The man translator

Welcome to Manland!
Though one of the most highly traveled destinations in the world, Manland is fraught with danger for even the smartest relationship-seeking women. The Man Translator increases your chances of survival 100 percent by translating the often tricky lexicon of manspeak into rational English:

Manspeak
That's very interesting.
I'm close with my mother.
I'm between jobs right now.
I want to take this slowly.
I don't want to pressure you.
I love you.
Let's keep the wedding small.
I do.

Translation
I have no idea what you just said because I wasn't listening.
I live with my mother.
I'm unemployed.
I'll count to three before I grab your left breast.
I'm giving you five more minutes, then I'm outta here.
I don't want to use a condom when we have sex.
Let's not invite any of your friends.
There's really no way for me to get out of this at this point.

With bonus material that includes a brief history of man, dating survival tactics, and more, The Man Translator is the ultimate handbook for making your time in Manland as pleasant as possible.

Enjoy your stay!

Alison Grambs is the author of The Smart Girl's Guide To Getting Even, Totally Silly Jokes, Crazy Christmas Jokes, Hilarious Halloween Jokes, and Nutty Names Knock-Knocks. She has also written for numerous events at the New York Friars Club, including the Celebrity Roasts. Her acting credits include Chicago City Limits, Annie, and a bunch of commercials no one ever saw. A graduate of Haverford College, she lives in New York with her husband and oddly shaped Yorkshire Terrier.